Missing Madison: One Year Later

It's so hard to believe that Madison has been gone for a year. While the grief has gotten better, every couple of weeks it hits me like a ton of bricks, sucking the breathe out of my lungs and doubling me over in pain for the loss. Madison was a significant part of my life and an important member of our family. A lot has changed over the year, yet it still feels like she should be waiting at the top of the stairs (even at our new house) when I get home or sleeping in my pile of laundry. I still move my legs at night as if she's sleeping by or between my feet. I can't even begin to describe how much I miss her and how much it hurts to no longer have her in my life.

It's hard to list all of the roles Madison held in my life. She was my family. She was my roommate, kept me busy and got me out of my apartment when I first moved to Tampa. She was the best judge of potential boyfriends. She would eventually meet Stephen and greet him with jumps and kisses. She consoled me when I had a bad day or was crying. She reminded me to greet everyone with a smile because she was always smiling.  She was generous with kisses. No one will ever be as happy to see me every time I get home as Madison. She was my confidant and often my dinner partner. She was protective of me and eventually of my growing belly and then of Chase. She was there as I grew from a college kid to an adult and a mother.

I can't believe her life was cut so short. I had plans for us- Our family with children (she always loved children and they loved her) running around with her in the backyard grass. Evening walks, leisurely weekend mornings all together. By now Chase would have harassing her, but she still would have taken every opportunity to give him a kiss on the face. Madison would have cleaned up the mess Chase leaves on the floor after meals. He would have been saying "Mad-dy". She would have loved our new house. I can just imagine her sitting in the front door, watching the squirrels and the few neighbors who walk by. Madison would have loved the sweet grass in the backyard and would have watched us from the deck as we played in the pool.

Madison traveled with me a lot. She and I were always on the move. Madison sat on my lap on the entire move to Tampa, flew in a bag by my feet during countless trips home, and rode on my lap on car trips across Florida, during our move up to DC, and on many trips from there to the northeast. In our 8 years together, we lived in 5 different houses together.

I hate that she passed away while we were traveling because she wasn't at home or at peace. But Stephen pointed out that she was always happy traveling with us. As long as she was with us, she was happy.

Madison's ashes are in an urn on my bedside table. There's a drawing of her hanging in our entryway. We think about her often and fondly. She's still with us...and I can only believe that she's happy and at peace. I know she's smiling.

Unleashed

Stephen captured this hilarious video of Chase saying dog (and then Dad) and trying to leash Mueller. Enjoy!

A Tribute to Madison

We love you baby girl and we will miss you more than words can describe...

Madison Update #2

Well we packed the entire family (2-legged and 4-legged) into the car for some more travels. Madison is doing okay- we're trying to figure out how to balance her meds and some of the trade-offs between slowing the progression of the liver deterioration and trying to maintain some quality of life. Some of her medicine just makes her miserable- it's hard to say whether it is worth it. But she definitely likes having a big grassy yard to sit in (so does Mueller) and we're doing our best to feed her anything she'll eat no matter what it is.

Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers!

Update on Madison

We were finally able to pick Maddy up today around 6pm. She was happy to see us and glad to be back in my arms. I have never been happier to see her.

The tests confirmed that her liver is failing. At this point there's nothing the vets can do that we can't, so she's home with us taking a load of medicines to slow the progression and treat her symptoms.

She's definitely not herself- she's still very lethargic and barely eating, although she was kind of peppy on our (very short) walk and even huffed and puffed at some dogs across the street. It's hard to say whether this is because of the treatments at the animal hospital or because of her condition. The vet said that the steriods she is on should give her some energy and make her feel better once they kick in so hopefully she'll be more like her usual self in a few days, at least for a little while. In the meantime, we're happy sitting together on the sofa.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, texts, and emails. They are greatly appreciated and I'll respond to each of them soon. As you can imagine this is a tough time in our household. Please keep thinking and praying for Madison...

Pray for Madison

After a few days of lethargy and an uncharacteristicly absent appetite, in addition to a swollen belly, our sweet girl is in the animal hospital. We took Madison to the vet this morning and had to admit her to the animal hospital for what the doctors think is chronic liver failure. As you can imagine, it's affecting her entire body, including her blood clotting, white blood cells, and blood glucose. She's been so brave and hardly shown how sick she is, despite all of these problems. The doctors said that even the best case scenario isn't good, but we're hopeful. She's just 8 years old and has a lot of life in her. Please send our sweet Madison some positive thoughts and prayers.