Thoughts from the milk factory

I might as well just say it--Chase gave up nursing about four weeks ago. He had only been nursing during the night and in the morning, so when I night weaned him and he started sleeping through the night, it was only in the morning. And then he bit me and I reacted. You're not supposed to react but really, how can you not??? That might not have been what made him stop as he nursed a few more mornings after (as I cringed), but then he just refused to nurse.

So now I'm just a milk factory. I pump 4 times a day. Hooked up to the pump like a cow. I'm still providing for him- most of what he drinks- but it's not the same. I miss nursing- I miss the closeness of it. It was easy and so much more enjoyable than pumping. I know I'm still providing for him, but it's different. I had hoped to nurse until he was 1...now I'm just a milk factory.

So why don't I just quit the pumping? I mean, he's had formula and he does fine with it (aside from some spitting up). The research shows that breastfeeding exclusively up to 6 months is beneficial for a child, but it doesn't say anything about breastfeeding after that.

To be honest, it's another connection to him while I'm away at work all day. It's my motherly duty. In the grand scheme of things, it's the easiest way to give my son a healthy start at life. He prefers it to formula and I'm willing to cater to that preference. And I've only got another month to go.

Despite my complaints, I know that Chase LOVES me for me- not the boobs. He's hugs and snuggles with me. He'd rather be in my arms than anywhere else. I could walk around with him slung on my hip for an hour and he'd be perfectly content. He rubs my arm, plays with my earrings. It's exactly the sort of mother-love that I envisioned for motherhood. While Chase hasn't said Mama yet, every time he reaches for me I know that's all he wants- his Mama....

So I'm content to be a milk factory for one more month, because even though I make the milk, Chase loves me for so much more than that.